my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
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