Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
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