would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
