It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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