I'm jealous of your bromance
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
