M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
