I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
