I'm going to jail i love you
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
