So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
