Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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