OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Randomize
