omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
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