So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Your mouth is God's brothel.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
