so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
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