So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
no you cant smoke seaweed
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Randomize
