I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Randomize
