you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Randomize
