So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
