I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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