I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
