so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
just tell him i said nine months
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Randomize
