So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
You are the jesus of drinking
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
