Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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