My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
im drinking this country out of the recession.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I just forgot I was standing up.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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