Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
We left an ass print on the piano.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
