My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
