Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
