Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Randomize
