you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
