i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
