To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Randomize
