therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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