i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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