Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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