Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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