I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
splinters make it hard to masturbate
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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