using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
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