Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
