yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
