You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
