The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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