i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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