Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
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