can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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