the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
