Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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