We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Randomize
