My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize