the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
