Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize
