I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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