Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Randomize
