He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
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