I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
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