pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Randomize
