i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
