Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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