hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
