I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
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