i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Let's get the cat blown out
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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