next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
