....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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