Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I just gargled with NyQuil
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Randomize
