Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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