I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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