After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Randomize
