she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
