I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I don't usually arrange sex via text message
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
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