i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Randomize
