He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
