It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
