Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
