They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
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