i wish starbucks made bloody marys
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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