well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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